- 21. 11. 2018
- Ours & yours stories
IS A CLOSE FRIEND OF YOURS TRYING FOR A BABY WITH IVF?
HOW CAN YOU SUPPORT HER THROUGH THIS TIME? TELLING HER TO ‘THINK POSITIVE’ AND ‘RELAX’ IS PROBABLY THE LAST THING SHE WANTS TO HEAR.
A close friend of yours has been trying for a baby with IVF. She has tried a few rounds and unfortunately has not been successful yet. It is coming up with the date to try a pregnancy test and see if it has been successful however she said that she would normally be due on and can feel period pains. How can you support her through this time? Telling her to ‘think positive’ and ‘relax’ is probably the last thing she wants to hear.
The best in such a situation might be letting her taking the lead on this one. If she wants to talk about it – whatever the result – then let her, she needs to feel that she can talk about all aspects of this process. However if she clearly does not want to discuss it then it might be best to let her decide when to broach the subject.
It might be wise not to ask your friend every day in the lead up if she has got her period or if she has taken a test. She may be getting pressure from elsewhere, so if she does not feel that from you, then she is likely to come to you first.
Perhaps it is good to do some reading around the subject – if it is painful for her to talk about, it may not help if she is constantly being asked to clarify things. You could read around the IVF process and the experiences people have had so you can have a better appreciation of what your friend is going through.
She may suffer from mood swings, which is a direct result of the hormonal changes she is going through. If she does snap or shout, try to remember that it probably is not a problem between you two; she may just be unsure how to handle her ever changing feelings.
If you have children or you know someone who has just given birth try to be sensitive when discussing it. She may feel resentful of those who have found it easy to get pregnant or those who are moaning about motherhood when all she wants is to have a baby.
If she is feeling down, make sure that you are there if her partner can not make and appointment, if she needs to talk or she wants some company. She may need someone to help her take her mind off things so consider places you could go together to take her mind off things.
Remember that everyone’s experience of pregnancy is different so even if you have had also had IVF, it will not be the same as what she has gone through so be mindful that her journey is her own.
If you are unsure of what to say to her – then simply being there as a sounding board and a shoulder to cry on might just be enough.